Jennifer Carlson, Distance Learning Student

Josh the Manipulator

Josh, my brilliant, charismatic, younger brother is blessed with the super power to charm anyone, me included, into doing whatever his heart desires. I’m not sure if it’s his incredible verbal prowess, or his big innocent blue eyes, scrunched freckly nose, and slightly crooked smile. Maybe it’s just the fact that he pesters incessantly until the person he is badgering gives up and gives in. Whatever it is, I constantly find myself amazed at the incredible things that he persuades people to do.

This past summer, Josh and his rag-tag group of friends volunteered to be camp counselors for a youth camp in Yosemite. For some reason unbeknownst to anyone without a y chromosome, my normally moderately clean brother and Jay, his constant partner in hare-brained schemes, decided to see who could go the entire summer without washing their hair. When they arrived back home at the end of the summer, Josh’s long, shaggy, sandy blonde hair was such a greasy, dirty mess that my mom would not even let him sit on the couch for fear of the filth rubbing off. Within a week, some poor, besotted girl was washing his skuzzy hair in the kitchen sink, thoroughly convinced that it was a downright honor to have her primly manicured hands in that tangled, icky hair. When Jay asked if he was next, however, he was promptly turned down with a look of disgust.

Perhaps Josh’s all-time most magnificent feat of charm was being the valedictorian when he graduated high school, even though he was conceivably absent half of the year. Snowboarding, dirt bike riding, surfing, or even just plain old being tired were all valid reasons to skip school on any given day. My supremely confident brother went from teacher to teacher and patiently proceeded to explain that it was ridiculous to waste freshly packed, gleaming snow, or perfect surf weather by being incarcerated in a classroom. Furthermore, since he knew the material, he shouldn’t be required to be there in the first place. What is awe-inspiring though is that one by one, his teachers agreed. If a snow storm was predicted to roll through the San Bernardino Mountains, certain teachers would even nonchalantly pull Josh aside after class to give him the week’s assignment in advance. I am absolutely certain that I would never have graduated at all if I had that many absences, and don’t know a single other person who could have gotten away with it, but absurdly, Josh graduated with honors at the top of his class.

Josh was seemingly born with this incredible skill of manipulation. Everywhere I look, my tall, handsome little brother has some fool snowed into doing random tasks for him. Even though we are aware of his charm, it is no less powerful when used against us, and I know that the next time I am asked to get involved in asinine arrangement, or do some great favor, that after a futile attempt at resisting, I will succumb willingly.